Cathy's Heart Archive

Recent Articles
  • When I Don't Know What to Pray
    Learning To Contend in Prayer - Part 2

    Sometimes, I wonder if others knew the real me would they be shocked or disappointed or dismayed?My biggest worry is how others perceive my prayer life.You see, nearly every day, I receive requests an... read more

  • Learning to Contend in Prayer
    Part 1 - Lessons from Good Friday Preparation

    If you were to flip through the pages of the Bibles on my bookshelves you would notice the letter P, over and over again, in the margins and columns. It seems I have always been aware of and searching... read more

  • We Simply Must Go Through It
    When There Is Only One Way

    This is my birthday week. I turn 59, and my blog will turn 9. As I have prayed about my annual blog-iversary post, I felt compelled to write one message: There are Circumstances and Seasons When ... read more

  • A Much Bigger God Story
    "A Book Is Never A Book"

    "I WROTE A BOOK!" Shouts the little girl inside of me, twirling around and around in my heart!   I want to show everyone! (Even though, the book I carry with me is just a proof copy). Plus, I fin... read more

  • Room At The Family Table
    Hospitality Is Not an Option

    This post is dedicated to Miles. Thank you for opening my eyes to the true value of family dinners.   Years ago, when we all lived under one roof, our house was the hub for middle school, high sc... read more

  • Sleepless Nights and Prayerful Days
    When God Entrusts You with a Leader Son

    This week, one of the greatest cries of my heart and answers to my prayers turns thirty-four.   From the start, my first born began to show his true colors.   He would hurry for no one! Not ... read more

  • There's A New Church In Town
    When An Ordinary Mom Raises a Pastor Son

    Happy New Year! My favorite holiday of all. The day my life changed forever, after I answered a pastor's call to kneel by my pew and surrender my life to Jesus. I thought I had done it a dozen times b... read more

  • No Grumbling Allowed
    Shine Like A Star

    Do all things without grumbling and complaining.   These words, running through my sleepy brain, seemed to shout, Wake Up!   I rolled on my side, trying to fall back to sleep. But sleep woul... read more

  • I Am Not Afraid Anymore
    When I Fully Trust In Him

    Recently, I shared a blog post titled, "Tragic." I completely resonated with the blogger's story of fear which would creep in, grab hold of her, and drag her down the frightening path of worst cast sc... read more

  • My Birthday/Blog-iversary Wish
    Turning 58

    What do you want for your birthday?” This is the question my dear husband has asked me all summer.   The man already took me to Palm Springs for a long, weekend getaway. A true gift from my... read more

  • 21 Prayers For Our Teenagers and Prodigals
    A Window Into A Mother's Heart

    "I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day." Abraham Lincoln &n... read more

  • Keeping It Fresh
    When Our Bible Reading Time Grows Stale

    Can I be honest with you? My daily Bible reading times have become stale. Not because God's Word has lost it's oomph! No, not at all! But, because I have lost mine!   Before I continue, let me ad... read more

  • Remember These Things
    Make Every Effort To...

    Did you know God's Word promises that we have everything we need to live a godly life?     Well, it's true! This amazing promise was proclaimed to all believers by the very disciple who... read more

  • R E S P E C T
    Just A Few Thoughts

    This is definitely not my normal post. However, two months ago, I received this private message, "Hello Cathy. I wanted to know have you written anything on respect and the Bibles perspective..." ... read more

  • Dearest One, May I Just Encourage You to Never Give Up
    Dreams Really Do Come True

    Last month, when I wrote about my trip to Canada for a Writer's Bootcamp, I left out a few very important details.   At the end of our first day, our inspirational teacher gave us a homework... read more

  • When God Leads You WAY Out Of Your Comfort Zone
    Hard, Yet Good; Wild, Yet Wonderful

    Recently, I traveled to Canada. So, people keep asking me, "How was your trip?"   Quite honestly, I tell them, "It was hard and good. It was wild and wonderful!"   On this trip, God led me c... read more

  • Freed, To Be All God Created You to Be
    A Struggle Shared Can Set You Free

    It began as a dream, which stirred within me a word for one, then evolved into a message for many.     In the dream, I sat next to a young woman. "Tell me about yourself," I asked.  &nb... read more

  • The Hardest Prayer I've Ever Prayed
    Asking God to Bring Out the Big Guns

    "We have major spiritual warfare here. Can't share details. Everyone is safe, but there's a soul battle going on. Please pray..."    This prayer request was a text I recently received from a... read more

  • Protect The One You Love
    Let The One You Love Protect You

    2016 did not afford me the creative energy I needed to write much. But, it did leave me with many new messages to share in the days ahead. For my first 2017 blog post, I intended to write about "the h... read more

  • Above All...
    Let Your "Yes" Be Yes, and Your "No" No

    There are two times a year, I am faithful to post here. In January, to help kickstart the new year. Then again, towards the end of August, which is the anniversary of launching this blog on my 50th bi... read more

  • God Is Our Provider - Generous To Be Generous
    A Little Orange Car and a Great Big God

    Do you have anything written down about your teaching on 2 Corinthians 9? I read the text on my phone.   No, I replied. But, I could (write something) if you'd like.   My mini-Corinthia... read more

  • Whose Voice Will You Listen To
    Remembering, Why I Decided to Write At 30,000 Feet

    This Christmas, during one of those precious and rare moments alone with my son, he asked, "Mom, how's your writing going?" I gave my man-child several excuses why I hadn't written lately. But, f... read more

  • No Fruit On The Vines
    When God Brings Us Through Seasons of Winter

    I love vineyards and the imagery Jesus uses in John 15, when He declares, "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit..." More than any... read more

  • If A Hug Could Talk
    What We Learn When We Really Listen

      "The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." Helen Keller       I hadn't heard it's cry in a long time.   ... read more

  • Stuff I Miss About the Olden Days - Soft Wrinkles, Crooked Smiles, and Airport Farewell's
    Turning 56

    Welcome to my frivolous, self-indulgent, but, hopefully, fun annual birthday post. This week I turn 56. Which, also, happens to be the anniversary week of this blog. Thank you for allowing me to ... read more

  • When Jesus Asks Us to Lay Down Our Lives
    The Hardest Part About Being A Christian

    What is the hardest part about being a Christian? For me, it is the necessary daily dying. The putting to death of sin and self. A laying down of my life - my own plans, my own timeline, and, occasion... read more

  • The Gay People I Have Loved (And Still Do)
    A Case for Love and Grace

    I am not a political person. This is not a political post!    I hate conflict, quarreling, and controversy. This is not a invitation to fight!    This post is way outside my comfor... read more

  • How The Homeless Challenged My View of True Treasure
    Rings, Bling, & Blessings

    "So, what are your treasured possessions?"   I don't remember how the conversation started. But, I clearly recall the question my husband asked me, on our Colorado road trip, as we crossed the ma... read more

  • Lord, Grant Me the Patience to Endure Enjoy My Blessings
    Looking Back - A Few Things This Mama Wished She'd Done a Little Differently

    A small wooden magnet clung to my refrigerator, many years ago, with these words, "Lord, Grant Me the Patience to Endure my Blessings."   One day, as I unloaded my four small children from our bi... read more

  • When Life Gives You More Than You Can Handle -Part 2
    How My Heroes Overcome Adversity

    Last week, I went to visit family in Arizona. My dad was scheduled for surgery, and I wanted to keep him and my mom company during their hospital stay and home recovery.   As we walked through th... read more

  • When Life Gives You More Than You Can Handle
    God's Opportunity to Grow Up

    Twenty-five years ago my husband and I began the greatest adventure of our lives.    With a moving van chock-full of every possession we owned, and our four small children snuggly buckled in... read more

  • Extreme Makeover - God's Edition
    The Mess that Leads to Beauty

    Are you a fan of home makeover shows? I am. My favorite was Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I loved to watch Ty Pennington and his team transform an unsuitable home into an intentionally thought-out, ... read more

  • When You Pray, Be Specific
    Small Answers Help Build Big Faith

    Today, I prayed specifically about a long-standing item on my "to-do" list.    "Lord," I whispered, "could you help me to find someone who is kind and compassionate to teach me how to run ou... read more

  • 3 Truths To Transform Your Life in 2015 (and Beyond)
    What God Revamps Your LIfe - Part 2

    I am a list keeper. A goal setter. A New Year's resolution maker.     But, this year is different. Yes, I made a couple of resolutions and set a few goals. However, this year, because of the... read more

  • When God Revamps Your Life
    After The Dust Settles

    I haven't been here for a while. Not because I don't have anything to say. Believe me, I do.    I know this may sound strange, but I haven't felt like I had "permission" to write.   &nb... read more

  • Two Words that Change Everything
    The Power of Thank You

    In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:18   This summer has been hard!    Trials and troubles have rolled in like waves in a ... read more

  • What About God?
    Turning 55 - In These Troubled Times

    This week I turned 55! And my blog turns 5.    This is not my typical birthday post. Yet, I feel the need to write it's message.    My heart has been heavy. Not with the weight of ... read more

  • Hiding God's Word in Your Heart
    Tips For Storing Up Hidden Treasure

    I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you...The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold...Oh how I love your law! I... read more

  • When God Speaks - Part 2
    Will You Follow

    Muscle spasms. Have you ever experienced them? They're awful.   They began Monday evening. A chronic back problem. I stretched, took a muscle relaxer, and slept. The next morning, they started up... read more

  • When God Speaks
    Are You Listening

    I love my dad! He taught me the value of hard work. Plus, he passed on to me the essential life skills of golfing, rifle shooting, and catching fish.    It occurred to me, as I prepared to w... read more

  • When God Redirects Our Steps
    The Mallard and A Flight Change

    Recently, while catching up with a dear friend at Starbucks during a trip to Scottsdale, I shared about a divine appointment I had on my flight over.    "I believe each of us have divine app... read more

  • Finding Contentment
    Accepting Your Life Story

    Recently, I have been very unhappy. Grouchy. Grumbly... Ever have one of those seasons?   I know, I am extravagantly blessed! I should be overjoyed with my life. I should count my blessings. Yet,... read more

  • Overcoming Fear
    3 Small Stones to Slay the Goliath in Your Life

    FEAR, it was my constant companion from my earliest days. I remember running to my parents room night after night because of terrifying nightmares or climbing under my bed in the dark because of a fri... read more

  • Slow To Anger
    A Mother's Prayer

    "I find myself losing my temper and feeling angry a lot for dumb things...I would say that's my biggest...struggle right now."     This is a message I received from a young mom. Words I have... read more

  • Going to Ukraine
    Is There Room on Your Radar Screen for God's Course Adjustments?

    Today, a case of new books arrived at my front door.   The first time author is my husband. The book, Rescuing Ukrainian Children.    I wonder how many of us knew much about this c... read more

  • When God Says, "It's Time; Now, Go!"
    Going With The Flow

      I haven't written here in a while.    It's because, I have been writing somewhere else.   In fact, for the past six weeks, I have written nearly 30,000 words. The size of a small... read more

  • Lessons Learned From A Mother's Prayers
    True Confessions from a Pre-teen's Heart

      It was a summer night, a long time ago, when this pre-teen learned three of the most valuable lessons of my life.   I was just about eleven, the night I was allowed to take my first trip a... read more

  • Could My Weirdness Be Wonderful?
    Seeing the Wonderful in Your Weird - A Book Giveaway

    “Would you hold me accountable to help me to manage my time better?”   This is the question I asked one of my closest friends, several years ago.     Her answer surprised me... read more

  • Walking With Jesus
    Growth through Revelation and Surrender

    “What would you say is the first step towards becoming a Christian?”   I was asked this question, many years ago, by a man who attended law school with my husband.   “Surre... read more

  • What Jesus Taught Me About Raising Teens and Tweens
    It's Not Personal; It's Business

    My friend was at the threshold of adolescence with her first born. A while back, she described an unsettling incident with her then nine year old daughter. Upon discovering her daddy had stacked ... read more

  • 5 Ways to Pray for the One You Love
    The Priceless Gift You Can Give Your Spouse

    “Do you pray?” For your husband? For your wife? Not married yet? How about for the one you will marry? I often ask this question to any woman, or man, who confides in me that their marriag... read more

  • Your Teens Need You, Now More Than Ever
    3 Tips to "Be There" for Your Tweens and Teens

    "Mom, do you think Adam was still alive when the flood came?"    Really? I thought, You're asking me this question now, at ten-thirty at night?   My bed was calling my name. After ... read more

  • Keep Moving Forward!
    Try, Try Again

    “If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.”    This famous line came to mind, as I prayed about what to write to encourage you as we begin a new year.   Google attribut... read more

  • 3 Things Not to Neglect
    A Busy Season that Brought Out the Ugly In Me

    Spend time in God’s Word.   Exercise.   Guard my thought life.   These three disciplines have been a priority in my daily life for many, many years.   Until, this summer. The... read more

  • I Was Hungry
    Soup in the Pantry

    For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink…Matthew 25:35   “Residents of a local retirement community don’t have enou... read more

  • Worries Can't Change Others
    Turning from Worry to Trust

    Worries, worries go away. Don't come back any day! Worry! Recently, it has been a frequent nighttime companion. I have learned, over the years, how to contend with this enemy in the daytime. At night,... read more

  • The House God Chose
    Our New Home

    In July, nearly a year after we began our house hunt, my husband and I finally moved into a new home. It was not any of the houses or communities I wrote to you about in February. In fact, for a ... read more

  • My Son's Wedding
    In Honor of Jinha

    This weekend, my youngest son, Dustin, will marry his beautiful bride, Jasmin. What a joy it has been to watch them plan their wedding with great maturity, love, and care around their desire to make s... read more

  • Through the Eyes of a Child
    Turning 54

    Yesterday, I turned 54 and my blog turned 4. Happy Birthday to us! And, welcome to my annual birthday post.  Here are just a couple of highlights from the past year. I have an adorable new grands... read more

  • It's Okay to Cry
    Taking Care of Soul Pain

    "Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains..." C.S. Lewis   How do you want people to see you? I perused the ans... read more

  • Why Go to Church?
    What's In It For Me?

    "Great message," whispered my husband. Was it, I wondered? I recalled the words of a wise and godly woman. "If you don't get anything out of a service where the Word of God is being taught, it's no... read more

  • Keeping Divine Appointments
    The Appointment I Nearly Missed

    A smile crossed my lips as I tried to etch into my memory the sweet hugs and kisses from my time with my little granddaughters. I printed my boarding pass, checked my bag, then headed for my gate. Aft... read more

  • How Do You Measure Success?
    Silencing The Voice of Failure

    I AM A FAILURE! The accusation rose up from my heart and weighed heavy on me.   In just three short weeks, I had gone from feeling successful about the launch of my new website, with your kind co... read more

  • A New Home
    The Exact Places Where We Should Live

    Hello dear reader. I am so excited to welcome you to my new website. For the past several months, my youngest son shared his time and talent to help build this beautiful new site, a home for my blogs,... read more

  • Randomly Selected or Divinely Appointed

    "A Blogging Conference Worth Every Penny: Want to Win A Free Pass?The words on my computer screen caught my attention. It was mid-November. And, just the day before I had prayed, Lord, should I be usi... read more

  • A New View of Joy, Suffering and Hope (Part 5)
    Born To Soar

    Welcome to week 5, the final installment, of my attempt to put into writing the material I recently taught at a women 's Bible study. I wish you could have been there, because there is no way to adequ... read more

  • From Crunchy Green Leaves to Fresh Sweet Nectar
    Born To Soar (Part 4)

    Welcome to week 4 of my cyberspace Bible Study. Recently, my posts have followed the heart of the messages I taught this past fall at my church. I pray they will be a blessing to you!   In my las... read more

  • New Seed, New Name, New Family
    Born to Soar (Part 3)

    Welcome to week 3 of my cyberspace Bible Study. This fall, my posts are following the heart of the messages I teach each week at my church. I pray you will be blessed.    1) A New Seed (New ... read more

  • Lies that Hold Us Captive; Truth that Set Us Free
    Born to Soar (Part 2)

    Welcome to week 2 of my cyberspace Bible Study. This fall, my posts will follow the heart of the messages I am teaching each week at my church. I pray you will be blessed.   Last week, I wrote th... read more

  • Renewed In Knowledge in the Image of Your Creator
    Born to Soar (Part 1)

    I love to teach the Word of God! One-on-one or in a group, my greatest joy is to help others to see that God's Word is precious, powerful and practical to transform everyday, sometimes messy, often co... read more

  • You Can Teach An "Old Dog" New Tricks
    Turning 53

    Three years ago, on my 50th birthday, I began this blog, Cathy's Heart. Since then, I've added a website, a blog on parenting, as well as a blog on parenting tweens and teens. And, as one of my childr... read more

  • Do Something Courageous!
    Checking Off My 2012 Goals

    May I let you in on a little secret? At the core of my being, I am a coward! However, God, who does not give us a spirit of fear, has graciously given me a husband, children and life circumstances to ... read more

  • When You Pray, What Are You Asking God For?

    On a recent flight to Chicago, I grew alarmed when the fasten seatbelt sign came on, and the pilot announced, "Well folks, we've hit a little bit of unexpected turbulence. I've turned on the fasten se... read more

  • A Holy Hug
    Maria's Story (part 2)

    While Jesus was in one of the cities, there came a man full of leprosy. And when he saw Jesus, he fell on his face and begged him, "Lord, if you will, you can make me clean." And Jesus stretched out... read more

    Taking Every Thought Captive

    I used to be a runner. Not a runner like my friend, Jennifer, who just completed her 5th Boston Marathon. No, I ran from situations that were difficult, unpleasant or painful. Or, at least, I imagined... read more

  • The Power of Praying God's Word

    Twenty years ago, just a couple of years before Stormie Omartian published her wonderful books, The Power of a Praying Parent and The Power of a Praying Wife, the Lord was also graciously teaching a y... read more

  • Life Without Regrets

    I hoisted my carry-on bag into the overhead compartment, shoved my purse under the chair in front of me, and settled into my assigned seat. I fastened my seat belt, before checking Facebook and my ema... read more

  • Saying "Yes" to God and "No" to Sugar!
    Calling Sin "Sin"

    "Sugar is to you is like alcohol to an alcoholic. You must not eat it." The words resounded in my head as I lay in bed, my eyes not yet open but my mind wide awake. I didn't need to ask, "Lord, is tha... read more

  • New Year's: New Goals, New Life, New Vows

    I am on a anniversary get-a-away with my wonderful husband of twenty-nine years. So this will be short, simple and sloppy (unedited). But I want to share with you why this time of year is so special t... read more

  • Garden Sacrafice

    It happened many years ago... Steam rose from my coffee mug. I took a long sip, and stared out the kitchen window. It was another gray and dreary morning in Southern California. Not even a hint of su... read more

  • Waste Not, Want Not
    Waiting...To Go (Part 2)

    This week, I have been sick. Each time I attempted to write a new post, my brain was too foggy to concentrate. However, I received an email that challenged me to push through the fog. A portion of it ... read more

  • Waiting... To Go
    (Part 1)

    The challenge of writing a blog, especially one designed to encourage others in their faith, is to make sure your posts don't come across as self-serving or presumptuous. That said, this post has been... read more

  • Jesus Loves Her, This I know
    Maria's Story (Part 1)

    A little more than a year ago, my husband and I made a big move into a tiny new house. We love everything about living here---our house, our neighbors and our community. I love that from my front yard... read more

  • Unfinished Business

    Last weekend, my heart broke when I learned about the death of a man who had been my doctor for many years. A dear friend shared the shocking news with me at church on Sunday, assuming I had already h... read more

  • Organic Mentoring
    Older Women Teach The Younger

    I loved whenever my friend's mommy, Mrs. W, drove us places. I watched her as her long, brightly manicured fingernails clicked against the steering wheel to the beat of the country music. I was j... read more

  • Looking for the Divine in the Mundane Day-to-Day

    I parked the car, laced up my tennis shoes and headed out for my daily walk. The crisp, fall air felt cool on my skin. I strolled past tourists and speciality shops on my way to the boardwalk. Once ... read more

  • A Small Spark
    Putting out the Tounges Fire

    Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. My daughter, who was just five years old, watched while I carefully printed each letter of Psalm 34:13 onto a fluorescent, green poster ... read more

  • Even in Darkness Light Dawns

    I first noticed the pain in my right wrist. Probably just sore from the luggage I dragged through the airport the day before, I thought. The next day though, I felt the catch-my-breath kind of pain be... read more

  • How to Be a Winner at the Parenting Game

    Today I had the privilege to speak to the MOPS group (Mothers of Preschoolers) that meets at our church. Each year I challenge myself to put together a message based on the MOPS theme. This year's t... read more

  • Tangible Evidence of God's Grace

    On Sunday afternoon, May 24, 2010, my family received one of those life-altering phone calls. Our niece, a fun-loving, bright and talented teenager was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The benign tumor w... read more

  • Lessons Learned in Seasons of Loneliness

    Last week, I received an email from an "old" friend. Something she wrote triggered painful memories of the seasons of loneliness I have experienced in my life. Part of her message read: Hi Cathy, I so... read more

  • Enlarging the Tent of My Heart

    "Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants ... read more

  • Being a Lifestyle Wittness To Jesus

    Last week, my pastor asked me to share about "being a lifestyle witness to Jesus" during our Sunday service. When I inquired about what he wanted me to say, he answered, "I want you to share Starbucks... read more

  • God Orchestrates Answers to Prayer
    Turning 52

    Lately, the cry of my heart has been, "Lord, how do I get from here to where I want to be?" Two years ago I took a step in that direction when I began this blog. In my first post I wrote, My prayer ... read more

  • The Colors on My Palette
    A Blank Canvas (Part 2)

    In my last post, (please read) I wrote about a special gift I received from my husband for Mother's Day two years ago. As I unwrapped my beautiful new journal, he explained that this was not just any ... read more

  • A Blank Canvas
    Part 1

    Two years ago, my husband gave me a very special Mother's Day gift. The idea for the gift was inspired by a painting my husband and I had admired in our daughter-in-law's studio. We learned the beauti... read more

  • No Secrets (Forgiveness)
    Part 2

    In my last post, I wrote how I have witnessed that a kept secret has the power to keep a person locked in a prison of isolation, guilt, shame, loneliness and fear. But a secret confessed and surrender... read more

  • No Secrets
    Part 1

    Today's post was inspired by two of "my girls" who are on staff with Intervarsity Christian Fellowship. This past month they had an outreach on San Diego's college campuses called "No Secrets." T... read more

  • Remember
    Prayers Answered

    Craigslist, Auto Trader and Carmax. These are the websites I have been browsing the past week in search of a car for my daughter. Today, after the test drive of a car that ran rough and had bad brakes... read more

  • Who's on Your Screensaver

    Recently, I had to answer my husband's cell phone. When the call ended, I glanced at the picture on his screen saver. It was a picture of me. Suddenly it occurred to me that my husband of twenty-eight... read more

  • Birthday Wishes
    Turning 51

    I should be packing because next week we are moving. But I don't feel like packing, I need to write! Writing clears the cobwebs in my head and lifts the burdens from my soul. Lately, the Lord has been... read more

  • Music and Memories

    Have you ever been transported back in time by a certain taste, touch, sound, sight or smell? I have heard that smell is the strongest sense to trigger a memory. Not for me. My most powerful trigger i... read more

  • What Holds You Back?

    Last summer, I began this blog with good intentions. My hope was and is to encourage women as they grow in their walk with the Lord. My goal was to publish a post at least once a month. Three posts ... read more

  • Safe in His Hand

    Daniel 5:23 says, "honor the God who holds in His hand your life and all of your ways." I hold on to this promise in the Bible and others like it when I am afraid or when life feels out of my control... read more

  • Julie, Julia, and Cathy

    Today I went to see Julie & Julia for the second time. Last week I saw it with my mother-in-law and this afternoon I watched it alone. During my first viewing, I hoped to find the inspiration to... read more

  • Turning 50

    This week I celebrated my 50th birthday. As I reflect upon my first half a century, I realize I am at peace in this place. Growing up all I ever wanted to be was a mommy. And here, at age 50, I tha... read more