Recently, I have been very unhappy. Grouchy. Grumbly... Ever have one of those seasons?
I know, I am extravagantly blessed! I should be overjoyed with my life. I should count my blessings. Yet, I have been extraordinarily sad.
“Lord,” I’ve cried, “Why am I so miserable?”
One simple word came to mind. Discontentment. Yes. That was the answer.
The truth jarred me. Amidst an abundance that is good in my life, I am not content!
This past weekend, the Lord provided my husband and I with an a unexpected getaway. We brought our books, our journals, our Bibles.
The first morning, I settled into a lounge chair, poolside. I opened a book, which I have been meaning to read for months. I enjoy the author’s blog posts. So, I had no doubts her book would be wonderful too.
I was captured from page one. Ann Voskamp’s deliberate and poetic expression have always taken my mind beyond simple description to vivid imagination. As I marked the pages which I intended to return, I wondered why it had taken me so long to read her book.
I didn’t rush through, one thousand gifts. And I stopped, when the Spirit pricked my heart as I read these words, “If it were up to me...I’d write this story differently.”
I read the words again. I would write...this story…differently. Ann longed for a different outcome for her brother-in-law's family. Me, I longed to live in a different climate. I ached to live back in our urban community.
Clearly, I saw the source of my discontentment. And, I understood why, only now, I was reading Ann's book. It was time. I was ready to hear her words. I needed to hear her story.
I read. I bent page corners. I prayed. I struggled. I confessed. Still in chapter one, I read on. Then, I came to these words, "Just that maybe…maybe you don’t want to change the story, because you don’t know what a different ending holds."
Ann's farmer, brother-in-law understood that God saw the whole picture. The Lord had a plan. He was in control, not man. I thought about the farmers words, A different ending… Perhaps, something worse.
This was truth! A truth I had never fully pondered. It hurt. It could also set me free. I had a choice to make.
I took a drink of tea. I marked the page. God was asking me to make a choice. I could choose to be unhappy. Miserable. Discontent. Wishing for a different story. Questioning why God had to move us away from the desert, where I feel so much better. Grumbling to God about why He chose to move us back to a quiet, suburban neighborhood. Away from the barrio I had grown to love.
Or, I could choose to trust God with the story I am part of now. Accept the places I find myself. Praise Him for the way things are, as well as the way things will turn out. In her book, Ann Voskamp continues to share the truths God revealed to her to live fully in the story that is her life. I desire to make that same choice.
As I end this post, I wonder, do you ever struggle with contentment? Are you happy with your life? Do you question the details of certain circumstances? May I encourage you to make a choice! The choice to trust God with the story that is your life. Every detail. Ask the Lord to help you to accept the life you have been given, and to praise Him for your story just the way it is written.